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The Dad That I Once Had

I hate you.
No, I wish that were true.
I am just afraid
I'll turn out just like you.

Trying to wipe you away
From the thoughts in my head,
It's almost as if you are dead.

It has been ten years,
Bottled up fears,
Washed up tears.

A lonely child
still resides inside,
Still wants to hide.

Trying to forget,
The pain it's met.

"Innocent child" I never got to be,
No memories of being "care-free".

Witnessed the unleashing of a monster,
Slowly before my eyes,
Funny, I don't remember being surprised.

I'd like to think that I am now grown,
The pain I have carried not being shown.

I don't feel that I miss you,
But how can that be?
You will forever be apart of me.

So selfish, you chose that bottle over us,
Gave up your life, your children, your wife.

You gave up your rights my "dearest dad"
I am angry, yes,
But more so sad.
I don't believe you will ever realize
The wonderful life you could have had.

The Lifestyle That "Drug" Me Down

Swallowed it down.
Anticipated the night ahead;
Afraid I'd wind up dead.
Escaping the world to my own little place...
Forgetting my problems,
For a little while.
Scared, I am so scared.
I hate this.
It's wrong.
I don't even like this feeling...
But I don't want to feel anything else.
Objects distorted
Or so they seem.
Almost like a dream.
I want to wake up
But cannot...
When will this be over?
Let go of me!
Please set me free...
I promise I won't come back,
If you let me escape
To reality.

I The Baby

Dad's a sinner
Mom's a saint
Big brother stays out way too late
Eldest sister on her own
I the baby, all alone.

Dad's a drunk
Mom gives hugs
Big brother is now hooked on drugs
Eldest sister hard as rock
I, the baby, still in shock.

Dad is gone
Mom is strong
Big brother rights all his wrongs.
Eldest sister heads up high
I, the baby, sit and cry.

Happily Ever After

Can you feel this smile?
It's been here for awhile.
I just thought you that would like to know,
I take it everywhere I go.

Can you hear my laughter?
I feel happily ever after.
I just thought that you would like to know,
I take it everywhere I go.

Can you see the twinkle in my eyes?
They are filled with wonder and surprise.
I just thought that you would like to know,
I take it everywhere I go.

Can you see these feelings show?
Can you feel them overflow?
Can you hear my laughter grow?
Well, I just thought you would like to know,
It's because I take YOU everywhere I go.

Inside Out

I am more than just another face
I am only trying to find my place.
You may think I am different or weird,
I used to care when you pointed and jeered.
I didn't know what to say or do
I just knew that I wanted to be like you.
See, I was self-conscience and young
But I climbed that ladder rung by rung.
And now I am just me
And there is no one else I would rather be.
I would hate to be like you
To myself I must be true.
So when you stare
I do not care
You see who you want to see-
For you do not know who I am on the inside
You do not know what it's like being me

Anonymous

You appear
Your eyes...blue as ice-
they seem to stare right through me.
Peering into my soul?
Reading my thoughts?
Do you see all that I have hiding there?
I'm nervous, tongue tied.
Can't think of a word to say.
Hopefully you won't notice,
But do you notice me at all?

Your hair, it changes colors
Like fallen leaves from trees.
I don't even know you.
What makes you happy? Sad?
I think it would take a lifetime
To figure you out.

You are seem so deep
Like a river.
But only if you could put a crack
in this dam,
And form a stream into my heart.

Sometimes I wish you could read my thoughts,
So that you could learn they are of you.
What would you do?
Turn away shyly or embrace them?
I may never know.

Twist Of Fate

So tell me, what would I do without you?
Now the grass is green and the sky is blue.
You have entered my life
and now it has changed
It's been turned around and rearranged.
From bad to good in a giant leap
Forever and ever
You I will keep.
I wish I knew how long this would last
For it is never to be the way it was in the past.
My love for you is oh so strong
With love this great we can't go wrong.
You are the one that I desire
It was you who set my heart on fire.
Wonderfulness is what I feel
If you broke my heart
It would not heal.
You are there for me with open arms
A world free of hurt, of hatred and harm.
These words will stay forever true
So tell me, what would I do without you?

Written by: Laura R.
Email     : A5ftFreak@aol.com

The Frog
                                             A short story by Laura R.
                                           email: A5ftFreak@aol.com

  "Ahh! Tara screamed out loud as she leapt from her bed in a cold sweat..
"Tara! What's the matter?" Jen, Tara's younger sister asked with alarm. "Oh, I
had the most horrible dream!" Tara exclaimed. "I was a frog! But worst of all
I was Darren Andrew's pet frog!"
    We both knew who Darren Andrew's was. The stereo-typical "geek" in our
high school. You know the one.. glasses, braces, talks kinda funny.  "Eww!
That's so gross!" Jen squealed, "Darren Andrew's! What a nerd!"
    "Forget Darren!" Tara said disgusted, "I was an ugly green toad!" Tara
strolled towards her full length mirror. As she stood in front of it, she
brushed her long silky blonde hair. "I wonder why I would dream that I was a
frog? I am the most beautiful girl in our entire school! I think people should
bow before me when I speak. Have you ever seen anyone as beautiful as me?"
Tara batted her long eyelashes at her sister. "Sure I have" Jen answered. "But
I have yet to meet someone  as stuck up as you are!" Rolling her eyes, Tara
walked out of the room. "You're just jealous" she mumbled.
    Later that day, while in school, Tara sat at the lunch table daydreaming.
"Hey Tara, snap out of it!" Tara's best friend Julie stood next to the table
snapping her finger's profusely.  Julie and Tara were the exact opposite of
one another. Julie was short, curly brown hair framing her chubby face. Her
beady black eyes could bore a hole right through your skull. While Tara was
tall, thin, with long honey blonde hair that framed her high cheekbones. Eyes
were as blue as the sky. Julie and Tara had been friends since grade school.
Tara liked having Julie around. She would do homework assignments for her,
call guys on the phone for her, and best of all, Julie's lack of good looks
made Tara feel ten times prettier. Tara felt as though she was doing Julie a
favor by being her friend.  Julie on the other hand, the good natured person
that she is, just tried to see the best in Tara. Although little by little,
all of the nice qualities  she had found in Tara were beginning to fade.
    "Snap of it, Tara!" Julie snapped her finger's again. "Would you quit it,
Julie!" Tara shouted. "I heard you the first time!" "Sorry" Julie whispered as
she sat down beside her friend. "So," Julie smiled, "are you going to  Brian
Johnson's Halloween party?" "Of course!" Tara exclaimed as she gazed across
the crowded cafeteria at Brian. Brian was the captain of their high school
football team, and Tara had her eye on him since the beginning of the year..
She knew she could have him if she wanted him, so she figured that she would
make him wait.
   "So, what are you going as?" Julie asked anxiously. "Why, Julie, dear, a
beautiful princess of course! You know, I think I was definitely a princess in
a past life. Just look at me!" Tara said as she swung her hair from side to
side. "Right, anyway, I was thinking of going as a wicked witch", Julie smiled
slyly. "I'll be able to put a spell on everyone" "Right Julie, putting spells
on us? Tell me another one!" Tara waved her friend away. "Please!" "Oh, I
won't put one on you Tara!" Julie laughed. "Gee thanks, Julie. Why don't you
put a spell on Brian? Make him follow me all over the school!" Tara said.. "Oh
I forgot, he already does that!" "No, Tara, here comes the guy that already
does that." Julie said as her eyes shifted across the room.
"Ugh, Darren Andrew's!" Tara whined. "I wish he would just leave me alone!"
"He's a nice guy Tara, you shouldn't be so hard on him, Julie said quietly.
   "Hello ladies!" Julie was cut off as Darren walked up to their table.
"Going to the Halloween party tonight, Tara?" Darren asked smiling from ear to
ear. "Not if you're going to be there." Tara sneered as Darren's smile slowly
faded. "He's such a nerd!" Tara scoffed as Darren slipped into the shadows.
"You're so mean Tara!" Julie scolded. "So, then don't be my friend anymore"
Tara laughed. Julie laughed back, but deep inside she was thinking that exact
same thing.
   "You look great dear" Tara's mother exclaimed as Tara got herself ready to
leave for the party. "I know mother, I will have the best costume there!" Tara
checked herself in the mirror one last time. She was extremely proud of the
costume she had bought. "I'm sure to have Brian following me all over the
party tonight." Tara said to herself.
   "Tara strutted around the party. She said her "hello's" here and there,
stopped every once in a while to laugh at an attractive boy's stupid jokes.
She stopped to talk to the senior cheerleaders. They seemed to really like
her. They were, of course, the most popular girls in school. While talking to
them, Tara felt a tap on her back. Julie stood behind her, cackling. "Why,
hello my pretty!" Julie said in a witch like voice. The senior cheerleaders
gave Julie an annoyed look and turned away. "Julie!" Tara sneered. "Go away!
I'm trying to become friends with these girls! I can become really popular
with these girls around." Julie's eyes began to tear up. Her feelings were
hurt. She began to get angry. She was so sick of Tara. Tara, Tara, Tara!. All
Tara cared about was herself! "I don't need you Tara! You were never really my
friend. I'm going to put a horrible spell on you! Julie cried out. "Please
Julie! Grow up, would you?" You are so childish!" Tara smirked. "Now go away,
you are cramping my style!" Julie stared at Tara so hard that her eyes burned.
Then she turned and walked away. Never looking back.
   Tara walked around the party some more. She hadn't seen Brian all night.
She wasn't sure what costume he had worn. Once again she felt a tap on her
back. "Julie! What do you want?" Tara turned around and was startled to see a
googly eyed frog mask in front of her. She burst out laughing, thinking of her
dream from the night before.
   "Kiss me, my beautiful princess, and I will turn into your handsome prince"
, came from the tiny opening in the frog's mask. Assuming that it was Brian,
Tara giggled, closed her eyes, and leaned forward waiting. After he kissed
her, Tara opened her eyes and stood in horror as she stared at Darren Andrews
standing face to face with her, holding the frog mask in his right hand.
"Didn't realize that you were already taken" came a voice from behind her.
Tara turned around to see Brian. A look of disappointment spread over his
face. "Brian..it's not what you thi-" Tara started to tell him, but he had
already begun to walk away. She squeezed her eyes shut and before she had a
chance to get angry she was startled by the sound of an alarm.
   As she opened her eyes, she sighed with relief. "The alarm clock! She
realized, "It was all just a terrible dream!" She opened her eyes wider and
looked around the room. "Wait a minute. where am I?" Tara asked herself as she
looked at her surroundings. In the distance she could see Darren Andrews
rolling out of bed. "What in the world?" Tara asked herself. "How did I get
here?" she questioned, as Darren began to walk towards her. "Tara! My pet! I
had a dream about you last night!" You are the most beautiful creature in the
world!" Tara was at a loss for words. Confused she turned and caught a glimpse
of her reflection in the glass that she noticed was surrounding her. Starring
back at her was a wide eyed, wart ridden toad.  Frozen in horror, Tara opened
her mouth and prepared to let out a curdling scream. But of course, all that
came from her mouth was a loud "croak".

All Poetry Copyright Laura R. 1998/99 All Rights Reserved

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